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Book of Gallowmere/Transcript: Difference between revisions
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==== [[Mr Organ]] ==== | ==== [[Mr Organ]] ==== | ||
The Imps of the [[Hilltop Mausoleum]] grew tired of the phantom's incessant practice and hid his [[Sheet Music|sheet music]] away. | The Imps of the [[Hilltop Mausoleum]] grew tired of the phantom's incessant practice sessions and hid his [[Sheet Music|sheet music]] away. | ||
Like most impish plans, this one backfired. The phantom continues to bang the keys, but sorely lacks improvisational skills. | Like most impish plans, this one backfired. The phantom continues to bang the keys, but sorely lacks improvisational skills. | ||
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==== [[The Forest Witch|Forest Witch]] ==== | ==== [[The Forest Witch|Forest Witch]] ==== | ||
Once part of the infamous [[Cemetery Hill]] coven, Emelda was | Once part of the infamous [[Cemetery Hill]] coven, Emelda was ostracised by her sisters when she refused to stop using the communal cauldron to prepare her notoriously pungent lunchtime brews. | ||
She now resides in [[the Enchanted Earth]], where no one complains. Or at least if they do, she just turns them into a toad... and seriously, do NOT lick those toads. | She now resides in [[the Enchanted Earth]], where no one complains. Or at least if they do, she just turns them into a toad... and seriously, do NOT lick those toads. | ||
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==== [[Headless Zombies]] ==== | ==== [[Headless Zombies]] ==== | ||
Have you ever had one of those days where you leave the house full of breezy purpose, only to | Have you ever had one of those days where you leave the house full of breezy purpose, only to realise that you've left something really important at home? Well, that's how these guys feel all the time. | ||
==== [[Imps]] ==== | ==== [[Imps]] ==== | ||
Back in Peregrin's day, Imps were often kept as household servants. Sadly, those were cruel times, and many Imps were treated very poorly by their masters. | Back in King Peregrin's day, Imps were often kept as household servants. Sadly, those were cruel times, and many Imps were treated very poorly by their masters. | ||
Really, it was no surprise when these cunning little creatures formed a secret alliance with Zarok. | Really, it was no surprise when these cunning little creatures formed a secret alliance with Zarok. | ||
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Isn't nature wonderful? This beautiful family of wolves has found a happy home in the graveyard! Back in their den, six cute, squirmy little pups are waiting for good old mom and pop to return with delicious fresh meat - well, perhaps graveyard meat isn't the most fresh - but at least it's easily found and safe. Because let me tell you - elsewhere in Gallowmere, vengeful farmers have hunted these majestic beasts to the point of extinction... | Isn't nature wonderful? This beautiful family of wolves has found a happy home in the graveyard! Back in their den, six cute, squirmy little pups are waiting for good old mom and pop to return with delicious fresh meat - well, perhaps graveyard meat isn't the most fresh - but at least it's easily found and safe. Because let me tell you - elsewhere in Gallowmere, vengeful farmers have hunted these majestic beasts to the point of extinction... | ||
Thank goodness this last, happy little family is here amid the peace and | Thank goodness this last, happy little family is here amid the peace and tranquillity of the graveyard, where absolutely no harm can befall them. | ||
==== [[Scarecrows]] ==== | ==== [[Scarecrows]] ==== | ||
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==== [[Mecha Imps]] ==== | ==== [[Mecha Imps]] ==== | ||
Industrious thieving Imps built these powerful machines to steal crops from the farmers. I think they'd do better mass producing these things and selling 'em to the farmers, but hey - thieves gotta thieve. | Industrious thieving Imps built these powerful machines to steal crops from the farmers. Personally, I think they'd do better mass producing these things and selling 'em to the farmers, but hey - thieves gotta thieve. | ||
==== [[Corn Killers]] ==== | ==== [[Corn Killers]] ==== | ||
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==== [[Townspeople]] ==== | ==== [[Townspeople]] ==== | ||
Hypnotised citizens of a once thriving town. | |||
They'll happily invite you in for tea, but if they ask to borrow a shovel, you should probably decline. | They'll happily invite you in for tea, but if they ask to borrow a shovel, you should probably decline. | ||
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==== [[Ants]] ==== | ==== [[Ants]] ==== | ||
Fascinating creatures, ants. Did you know they're as old as the dinosaurs? That they | Fascinating creatures, ants. Did you know they're as old as the dinosaurs? That they ‘talk’ using chemicals? Or that they share a hive mind? | ||
And, contrary to popular belief, they actually have no interest whatsoever in your pants. | And, contrary to popular belief, they actually have no interest whatsoever in your pants. | ||
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The soil of the [[Pools of the Ancient Dead|Ancient battlegrounds]], made fertile by the blood of centuries, spits forth the husks of these sorry souls. | The soil of the [[Pools of the Ancient Dead|Ancient battlegrounds]], made fertile by the blood of centuries, spits forth the husks of these sorry souls. | ||
Their battle should have long since ended, and yet they | Their battle should have long since ended, and yet still they march in proud defiance of the living. | ||
==== [[Ghouls]] ==== | ==== [[Ghouls]] ==== | ||
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==== [[Fish Monsters]] ==== | ==== [[Fish Monsters]] ==== | ||
These floundering fiends lure naive | These floundering fiends lure naive fisherman{{sic}} near the water, before dragging them screaming into the watery depths. | ||
There's no such thing as an easy meal in Gallowmere. Not for humans at least. | There's no such thing as an easy meal in Gallowmere. Not for humans at least. | ||
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These slow-moving busybodies are - like - sooo wrapped up in themselves. | These slow-moving busybodies are - like - sooo wrapped up in themselves. | ||
Once Gallowmere's elite, they now walk alongside the common corpses..... death brings | Once Gallowmere's elite, they now walk alongside the common corpses..... death brings everyone together! | ||
==== [[Serpent of Gallowmere]] ==== | ==== [[Serpent of Gallowmere]] ==== | ||
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==== [[Mace Knights]] ==== | ==== [[Mace Knights]] ==== | ||
These | These braindead bodyguards still defend King Peregrin. Don't tell them of his passing - they would be devastated! | ||
Trained in small arms, these knights must throw their weapons, due to their small arms. | Trained in small arms, these knights must throw their weapons, due to their small arms. | ||
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==== [[Jabberwocky]] ==== | ==== [[Jabberwocky]] ==== | ||
Many years ago, the foolish sorcerer [[Mazok the Muddled]] came into possession of a Dragon Egg. At this same time, Gallowmere was suffering under a terrible [[Famine in Gallowmere|famine]], and Mazok had been ordered by his king to seek out a magical solution. | Many years ago, the foolish sorcerer [[Mazok the Muddled]] came into possession of a Dragon Egg. At this same time, Gallowmere was suffering under a terrible [[Famine in Gallowmere|famine]], and Mazok had been ordered by his king to seek out a magical solution. 'If only the kingdom's scrawny chickens could lay eggs the size of a dragon egg', thought Mazok, and he set about applying his questionable skills to transform the egg. | ||
Several days later, the kingdom had been saved! The hatched chicken-dragon - or Jabberwocky as it came to be known - possessed the ferocity of a dragon and the dim wit of a chicken. It rampaged through the kingdom on a murderous spree and killed so many that even the | Several days later, the kingdom had been saved! The hatched chicken-dragon - or Jabberwocky as it came to be known - possessed the ferocity of a dragon and the dim wit of a chicken. It rampaged through the kingdom on a murderous spree and killed so many that even the meagre harvest was enough to sustain the survivors (as they mourned their loved ones). | ||
The Jabberwocky was finally chased from the land by the hero [[Dirk Steadfast]], who poked it with his [[Magic Sword|magic sword]]. | The Jabberwocky was finally chased from the land by the hero [[Dirk Steadfast]], who poked it with his [[Magic Sword|magic sword]]. | ||
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The Pirate Captain's right-hand men, despite their lack of right hands. | The Pirate Captain's right-hand men, despite their lack of right hands. | ||
Their main qualification? Being of no | Their main qualification? Being of no discernable threat to the Captain. | ||
==== [[Flying Clocks]] ==== | ==== [[Flying Clocks]] ==== | ||
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==== [[Flying Eyeballs]] ==== | ==== [[Flying Eyeballs]] ==== | ||
Exactly what is a flying eyeball without a flying brain? And without a flying mouth, how can it possibly report what it has seen? | Exactly what use is a flying eyeball without a flying brain? And without a flying mouth, how can it possibly report what it has seen? | ||
I suppose that must be why they simply try to incinerate you instead. | I suppose that must be why they simply try to incinerate you instead. | ||
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==== [[Guardians of the Graveyard]] ==== | ==== [[Guardians of the Graveyard]] ==== | ||
Humanity's last line of | Humanity's last line of defence against the restless undead. They prevent boney beings from escaping to the land of the living. | ||
Man's best friend, but not Dan's best friend. | Man's best friend, but not Dan's best friend. | ||
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==== [[Demonettes]] ==== | ==== [[Demonettes]] ==== | ||
Everything is a competition for these demon sisters. When not | Everything is a competition for these demon sisters. When not disembowelling intruders, they enjoy a good game of chess. | ||
We'll never know who is better. One of them always flips the table. | We'll never know who is better. One of them always flips the table. | ||
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==== [[Zarok's Beast Transformation|Zarok Beast]] ==== | ==== [[Zarok's Beast Transformation|Zarok Beast]] ==== | ||
Psychologists all agree that the final, desperate form adopted by an on-the-ropes evil sorcerer once his minions have all | Psychologists all agree that the final, desperate form adopted by an on-the-ropes evil sorcerer once his minions have all failed tells us a great deal about his particular psychosis. | ||
What does this form tell us about Zarok? Well, I'm no psychologist, but if ever there was a clearer case of narcissistic agora-paranoid kleptomaniacal dysmorphism then... my name's not Geraldine. | What does this form tell us about Zarok? Well, I'm no psychologist, but if ever there was a clearer case of narcissistic agora-paranoid kleptomaniacal dysmorphism then... my name's not Geraldine. | ||