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The great Kraken, that could smash a boat between its fearsome jaws - some still suppose that the deepest seas still hold creatures like this great beast. Fisherman, Phil McCaven, caught this example off the coast of Bognor Regis in 1774. | The great Kraken, that could smash a boat between its fearsome jaws - some still suppose that the deepest seas still hold creatures like this great beast. Fisherman, Phil McCaven, caught this example off the coast of Bognor Regis in 1774. | ||
====Book 3 - Zarok==== | ====Book 3 - Zarok monster==== | ||
Despite assuming many monstrous forms, the evil sorcerer Zarok was reputedly a coward. Legend has it that the Great Knight Sir Daniel Fortesque vanquished this creature in 1386. | Despite assuming many monstrous forms, the evil sorcerer Zarok was reputedly a coward. Legend has it that the Great Knight Sir Daniel Fortesque vanquished this creature in 1386. | ||
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==[[Iron Slugger (level)|Iron Slugger]]== | ==[[Iron Slugger (level)|Iron Slugger]]== | ||
====Book 1 - The Noble Art of Pugilism | ====Book 1 - Boxing rules explained==== | ||
The noble art of pugilism as refined by the Marquis of Queensway. | |||
The Noble Art of Pugilism | |||
The noble art of pugilism as refined by the Marquis of Queensway. High and low "knuckle bruising" jab using [[File:PSB-S.png]] or [[File:PSB-X.png]]. | |||
High and low "gut busting" hook [[File:PSB-T.png]] or [[File:PSB-C.png]]. | High and low "gut busting" hook [[File:PSB-T.png]] or [[File:PSB-C.png]]. | ||
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==[[The Time Machine]]== | ==[[The Time Machine]]== | ||
====Book 1 - | ====Book 1 - Satellite==== | ||
In the next few years, giant space beacons will orbit the earth ushering in a new and glorious age of radio-phonic communication. The telephone and the wireless will be made obsolete by the introduction of small hats, that beam the information direct to the brain. | In the next few years, giant space beacons will orbit the earth ushering in a new and glorious age of radio-phonic communication. The telephone and the wireless will be made obsolete by the introduction of small hats, that beam the information direct to the brain. | ||
====Book 2 - Contact==== | ====Book 2 - Contact puzzle==== | ||
The celestial grammar horn. | The celestial grammar horn. | ||
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When the aliens hear such a wonderfully stirring piece they are sure to have no qualms about pledging their allegiance to our glorious Queen Victoria. | When the aliens hear such a wonderfully stirring piece they are sure to have no qualms about pledging their allegiance to our glorious Queen Victoria. | ||
====Book 3 - | ====Book 3 - Moon exhibit==== | ||
====Book 4 - Time==== | Moon exhibit. | ||
By the year 1910, the moon will become part of the great colonial empire.<br />Tourists will go on daytrips, where they will be able to visit the countless gift shops and tea-rooms.<br />The more intrepid will be able to go on Safari's to hunt various vicious moon beasts that litter its cheesy surface.<br />For a sneak preview, gaze in wonder at this accurate reconstruction of the lunar world. | |||
====Book 4 - Time Machine==== | |||
Kift's Amazing Confabulating Chrono-chair. The Chrono-chair prototype, patented by one Hamilton Kift, is a revolutionary machine that enables a person to part the veils of time and visit either past or future. Imagine all the undiscovered wonders of the world that the machine could show us, if only it worked! The Professor himself says, "Yes unfortunately it's true, everything I've sent through time has always returned, only somewhat runnier than when it left." | Kift's Amazing Confabulating Chrono-chair. The Chrono-chair prototype, patented by one Hamilton Kift, is a revolutionary machine that enables a person to part the veils of time and visit either past or future. Imagine all the undiscovered wonders of the world that the machine could show us, if only it worked! The Professor himself says, "Yes unfortunately it's true, everything I've sent through time has always returned, only somewhat runnier than when it left." | ||
==[[The Professor's Lab]]== | ==[[The Professor's Lab]]== | ||
====Book 1 - Lifestyles of the Pharaohs | ====Book 1 - Kiya's history==== | ||
Lifestyles of the Pharaohs | |||
Chapter 10<br />Courtship and Consorts | Chapter 10<br />Courtship and Consorts | ||
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Many examples of Consort tombs exist, the greatest of which has been re-built brick by brick in the Great Museum. This the Tomb of Abu Simbel contains the mortal remains of Princess Kiya, Ramesses II's last mistress. The parchments of the time, reveal that the King died before the relationship was consummated. One can only imagine her feelings, as the joy at being plucked from abject poverty was replaced by the misery of playing Nurse-maid to a randy eighty year old and how the joy of his death must have been replaced with the misery of following him to the grave. | Many examples of Consort tombs exist, the greatest of which has been re-built brick by brick in the Great Museum. This the Tomb of Abu Simbel contains the mortal remains of Princess Kiya, Ramesses II's last mistress. The parchments of the time, reveal that the King died before the relationship was consummated. One can only imagine her feelings, as the joy at being plucked from abject poverty was replaced by the misery of playing Nurse-maid to a randy eighty year old and how the joy of his death must have been replaced with the misery of following him to the grave. | ||
====Book 2 - The | ====Book 2 - The Professor's ill-fated trip==== | ||
The Diary of Prof. H.KIFT | |||
January 10th, 1878 | |||
This morning an unexpected caller presented himself at my door. It was none other than Lord Palethorn! I hadn't seem him since his expulsion from the Magic Circle, the previous month and quite frankly I had hoped never to see the fellow again. | This morning an unexpected caller presented himself at my door. It was none other than Lord Palethorn! I hadn't seem him since his expulsion from the Magic Circle, the previous month and quite frankly I had hoped never to see the fellow again. | ||
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The embarrassing details of that incident I recounted in my Journal for 1877. Far from being contrite or ashamed he seemed rather bullish, for a man ostracised for abusing his wand.<br />Straight away he asked me to accompany him on a trip to the north. When I said I would do no such thing, he laughed and began to tell me of "the unique opportunity", he was offering. Very quickly he explained he had found the last resting-place of certain pages of the Zarok spell book.<br />He even had a map and this was where I came in. He needed a translator, for despite his outward manner I fear he is not possessed of too great an education and with my knowledge of ancient texts, I was just the man for him. This astounding news confounded me. He left giving me until dawn to reach a decision. | The embarrassing details of that incident I recounted in my Journal for 1877. Far from being contrite or ashamed he seemed rather bullish, for a man ostracised for abusing his wand.<br />Straight away he asked me to accompany him on a trip to the north. When I said I would do no such thing, he laughed and began to tell me of "the unique opportunity", he was offering. Very quickly he explained he had found the last resting-place of certain pages of the Zarok spell book.<br />He even had a map and this was where I came in. He needed a translator, for despite his outward manner I fear he is not possessed of too great an education and with my knowledge of ancient texts, I was just the man for him. This astounding news confounded me. He left giving me until dawn to reach a decision. | ||
January 11th | |||
I have thought long and hard about his proposition and, although I am unsure of the man, the chance to find the legendary spell-book is too great an allure. I agreed to the proposal, we set forth, a week today, travelling to the remote Hebrides. N.B remind cook to pack ointment. | I have thought long and hard about his proposition and, although I am unsure of the man, the chance to find the legendary spell-book is too great an allure. I agreed to the proposal, we set forth, a week today, travelling to the remote Hebrides. N.B remind cook to pack ointment. | ||
I find myself in the Bonny Prince Charlie, a Coastal inn some 80 miles west of Inverness. Tomorrow we set sail for the Hebrides. The weather forecast is bad and as I look from my window across the sea, a great foreboding steals up upon me, as a real as the storm clouds themselves, that at this very moment roll in from the East blotting the Stars from the sky. | January 17th | ||
I find myself in the Bonny Prince Charlie, a Coastal inn some 80 miles west of Inverness. Tomorrow we set sail for the Hebrides. The weather forecast is bad and as I look from my window across the sea, a great foreboding steals up upon me, as a real as the storm clouds themselves, that at this very moment roll in from the East blotting the Stars from the sky. | |||
[[File:Capture_copy.png|thumb]] | [[File:Capture_copy.png|thumb]] | ||
January 18th | |||
We have set up camp for the night. It is a relief to be once again on dry land. The journey was bad, as if the ocean itself was trying to bar our progress. For a long while it was touch and go whether we would be drowned at sea, or smashed upon the rocks themselves.<br />If I weren't a man of science I would have feared that something was trying to stop us from reaching our journey's end. Still tomorrow we set out in search of the burial grounds shown on the map | We have set up camp for the night. It is a relief to be once again on dry land. The journey was bad, as if the ocean itself was trying to bar our progress. For a long while it was touch and go whether we would be drowned at sea, or smashed upon the rocks themselves.<br />If I weren't a man of science I would have feared that something was trying to stop us from reaching our journey's end. Still tomorrow we set out in search of the burial grounds shown on the map | ||
January 20th | |||
Now I have the map the right way up, the route is clear to me. We reached the tomb on the Northern point of the island at Midday, tomorrow we enter, not knowing whether the Greatest prize in history awaits us on the other side of its stony door. | Now I have the map the right way up, the route is clear to me. We reached the tomb on the Northern point of the island at Midday, tomorrow we enter, not knowing whether the Greatest prize in history awaits us on the other side of its stony door. | ||
March 31st,1878 | |||
Having priblems adjisting to my new mechanocal hands, will recoint my story later. | Having priblems adjisting to my new mechanocal hands, will recoint my story later. | ||
April 1st, 1878 | |||
Hands fully functional.<br />It is indeed fitting that today is All Fools' Day, as I begin to recount the final stage of our ill-fated trip. My memories of the time are now thankfully vague and I have difficulty seperating the real from the imaginings of a fever-wracked brain. We entered the tomb and discovered the Spellbook I am sure of that. Whoever sealed the book in this resting-place must have meant for all eternity, for no sooner had Palethorn placed his hands upon it, the room began to collapse. The last thing I remember clearly is Palethorn pushing me aside as the great tomb door began to lower.<br />I scrambled for the exit too late. The door sliding shut trapping me in the darkness, my hands crushed beyond repair. The next two weeks are but a fevered dream, how long I crawled in the darkness of how I escaped I do not know. I am reliably informed I was spotted at the water's edge by local fishermen and transported back to Inverness to recover from my grevious injuries. Now safely back in London, I fear for the future, I can only wonder what Palethorn intends to do with the book. Only one thing is certain, when he does surface again,<br />I will have my revenge.<br />Signed | Hands fully functional.<br />It is indeed fitting that today is All Fools' Day, as I begin to recount the final stage of our ill-fated trip. My memories of the time are now thankfully vague and I have difficulty seperating the real from the imaginings of a fever-wracked brain. We entered the tomb and discovered the Spellbook I am sure of that. Whoever sealed the book in this resting-place must have meant for all eternity, for no sooner had Palethorn placed his hands upon it, the room began to collapse. The last thing I remember clearly is Palethorn pushing me aside as the great tomb door began to lower.<br />I scrambled for the exit too late. The door sliding shut trapping me in the darkness, my hands crushed beyond repair. The next two weeks are but a fevered dream, how long I crawled in the darkness of how I escaped I do not know. I am reliably informed I was spotted at the water's edge by local fishermen and transported back to Inverness to recover from my grevious injuries. Now safely back in London, I fear for the future, I can only wonder what Palethorn intends to do with the book. Only one thing is certain, when he does surface again,<br />I will have my revenge.<br />Signed | ||
Professor Hamilton Kift | Professor Hamilton Kift | ||
[[Category:Books]] | [[Category:Books]] |