Medievil Times: Difference between revisions

Medievil Times (view source)

Revision as of 23:50, 16 November 2014

4,226 bytes added , 16 November 2014

m

no edit summary

DansFriend

Bureaucrats, Interface administrators, Administrators

13,047

edits

@@ Line 69: / Line 69: @@
 WANTED, immediately, A SAVIOUR.
-===Medievil Times, page 2===
+===Medievil Times, page 2 (incomplete)===
 ====PUBLIC APPOINTMENT:====
 '''Sir Daniel Fortesque officially appointed by the Home Secretary to restore law and order in the capital.'''
@@ Line 103: / Line 103: @@
 Fortunately news has just been received (...) the pages of the Ancient Book as missing (...) fell into the hands of the enemy he (...) his revenge. Regarding Lord Palethorn's evil henchmen, I urge you to report the matter to your local police station immediately. Do not attempt to tackle these monsters yourself as they are believed to be armed and extremely dangerous in nature. Several casualties have already resulted in an assault. And lastly fear not, for I have no doubt in my mind that these wicked plotters will be brought to justice.
-===Medievil Times, page 3===
+===Medievil Times, page 3 (incomplete)===
 ====EMBALMED EGYPTIAN PRINCESS MISSING FROM BRITISH MUSEUM.====
 Yesterday, in the (...)<br />around fifteen (...)<br />sounded in the (...)<br />Bloomsbury  (...)<br />covered the (...)<br />So far the only (...) reported missing (...) embalmed Egyptian princess (...) dating back to (...) which went on (...) display at the British Museum (...) last week as part of (...) Egyptian Antiquities (...) The princess has simply (...) Apart from a gold gilded (...) beloging to the princess which (...) covered in a side street in the (...) of the Museum, there are no other (...) to her whereabouts. (...) gentleman (who wishes to remain anonymous) reported seeing four people leaving the British Museum at just ten minutes past one that (...) morning. The princess is believed to be one of the four. The police are still questioning witnesses.
@@ Line 129: / Line 129: @@
 The three of them face a huge daunting task ahead of them as they race through the alleyways of London fending off dinosaurs, prehistoric demons and other hellish creatures that are determined to foil their efforts to find the missing pages.
 ===Medievil Times, page 4===
+====THE WEATHER.====
+METEOROLOGICAL REPORTS.<br />WEATHER CHART, THURSDAY, APRIL. 20, 6P.M.
+<small>'''''Weather was fine over the United Kingdom as a whole, but with mist and gloom in London. The rest of the week we're expecting to see more cloud, fog and some rain.'''''</small>
+====PERSONAL, &c.====
+HOUNDED BY DEMONS FROM THE UNDERWORLD. - Sir, I seek the advice of
+an experienced physician. Day after day I am pursued by zombies and limbless boxers. They lie waiting for me every street corner. It's a living nightmare. I implore you, should you know of anyone who could put an end to my suffering, please ask him to call upon:
+Vernon Thomas Williams.<br />The Farmhouse.<br />Beckensfield.
+REPLY TO CORRESPONDENT:
+<small>(No information was available at the time this article went to print)</small>
+PROLONGED DEPRESSION FROM A FEAR OF THE DARK. - Sir, I wish to locate
+a general practitioner who can prescribe a suitable remedy for my affliction. I am simply terrified of the dark. I can't venture outside for fear of the dark. I cannot sleep for fear of the dark. I dare not even wake for fear of the dark.
+I should feel deeply grateful of any general practitioner who knows a cure to such an affliction. Please could he make himself known to:
+David Levan<br />14, Lowgate street, April 21st.
+REPLY TO CORRESPONDENT:
+''Prolonged depression from a fear of the dark - Sir, it appears that you are suffering from a condition otherwise known as ACHLUOPHOBIA. This is not a serious condition and can be easily cured by taking two or more tablespoons of SHIITAKE emulsion available from most apothecaries. Should your condition persist after a week, please present yourself to Dr Langlan's surgery at:''
+Harley Lane<br />London
+====PERSONAL, &c. Cont'd.====
+CROQUET CLUB MEMBERSHIP OFFERED. - Exclusive club set in beautiful gardens in Chelsea. An excellent way to meet respectable gentlemen and women who enjoy the same interests.
+WHICH CRAFT CLUB. - A wide variety of traditional crafts to choose from. Apply to GEORGE SHEARER at The Mill, Richmond High Street.
+BREAKFAST IN BED. - JAMES CARTER'S REVOLVING BED TABLE, adjustable to any height or inclination for reading and writing. Prices from 35s. Drawings free. Contact JAMES CARTER, 34 Battersea Park Lane, Battersea, S.W.
+INVALID COMFORTS. - CARTER'S CARRYING CHAIRS, Co, Bed Tables, 6s 6d, Bed Rests, 7s 6d, Adjustable Spinal Couch, 30s, Crutches, 10s 5d, Portable Bed Pans from 5d. Drawings free. Contact JAMES CARTER, 34 Battersea Park Lane, Battersea, S.W.
+====PLEASURE TOURS, &c.====
+HAUNTED '''HALLOWEEN '''IN SALEM, USA.
+'''Y'''ou could''' WIN''' yourself a''' FREE TRIP''' to SALEM, USA for a week when you purchase '''MEDIEVIL 2'''. There isn't a better place than Salem to experience the spooky thrill of Halloween. Step back in time to 1692 and discover how over a dozen townsfolk were tried and convicted of Witchcraft in the infamous town.
+Enjoy the town's thrilling yearly '''HAUNTED HAPPENINGS HALLOWEEN FESTIVAL''' prior to Halloween.
+For details on how to enter our competition, please refer to the enclosed entry form.
+Who knows where you could be spending Halloween this year?
+====HYPNOTION POTION====
+Dosage:<br>Adults one-two-three-four<br>or more tablespoons<br>two or three times a week
+FOR INSOMNIA<br>Also Cures Consumption
+Immediate sleep guaranteed or your money back!
+"I fell into a deep sleep, for five days."<br>Anne.N.Somniac
+====HOBB'S ANTIBILIOUS PILLS.====
+HOBB'S PILLS - For Bile.
+HOBB'S PILLS - For Liver.
+HOBB'S PILLS - For Heartburn.
+HOBB'S PILLS - For Indigestion.
+HOBB'S PILLS - Free from Mercury.
+HOBB'S PILLS - Made of Purest Drugs.
+HOBB'S PILLS - In use ninety-five years.
+====LONG-LIFE KNIFE POLISH:-====
+also suitable for broadswords, axes and scissorhands
+BEWARE OF IMITATION PRODUCTS.<br>THE ORIGINAL LONG-LIFE KNIFE SHINE<br>SOLD BY THE PROPRIETORS<br>'''FREDDY & SONS'''<br>IS AVAILABLE IN STORES EVERYWHERE.
+====NEW AND IMPROVED HOOP AND STICK====
+Rounder and faster.<br>LIMITED NUMBERS AVAILABLE.
+A new and exciting way to improve your fitness. Start a neightbourhood competition. Develop obstacle course for an even greater challenge. Set for only 22d.
 ==Gallery==