Transcript of MediEvil: Fate's Arrow

	Cambridge, England. Modern Day.
Bandaged Man	[Off-panel, using a voice box] Thank you so much for meeting with me Professor Darrow.
Professor Darrow	[Off-panel] Oh, my pleasure!
	The Professor and the Bandaged Man are seen meeting inside a building of a University of Cambridge college. There is a portait of Captain Fortesque on the wall. The Professor is holding a big notebook.
Professor Darrow	My assistant said you'd promised a story that might be invaluable to my studies. How could I pass that up?
Bandaged Man	[Using a voice box] I have been following your work on the 'The Hero of Gallowmere' for many years. It has taught me a great deal. I think it's time for me to give something back! First, let me apologize for my appearance - I have long suffered from an unpleasant... condition. People would find my true appearance quite distracting. ... And the events that disfigured me also robbed me of my voice.
	They sit down in armchairs. The Professor opens her notebook, ready to write the man's story down.
Bandaged Man	[Using a voice box] Now where should I begin? ... Perhaps at the point where your study of Sir Fortesque's life descends into conjecture. – What really happened to him after his second resurrection? ... He had defeated Lord Palethorn, restored peace to Victorian London, but then what?
Professor Darrow	People have long searched fruitlessly for his final resting place.
Bandaged Man	[Using a voice box] What if I told you you’d been searching in the wrong time?
Professor Darrow	Wha...?
Bandaged Man	[Using a voice box] We know that Sir Dan was aided by the genius inventor Hamilton Kift. Scholars have spent years studying Kift's 'Time Machine' blueprints, but they found no evidence of such a device in his collection.
Professor Darrow	We never believed it could really exist.
Bandaged Man	[Using a voice box] ... Oh, but it did! It was never found, because Sir Dan and Princess Kiya used it!
	We see Sir Dan and Princess Kiya sitting in the Time Machine. The two lovers are getting ready to flip a switch.
Bandaged Man	[Voice-over] With the flick of a switch they simply disappeared from 1886. Perhaps the Time Machine was defective? Or perhaps they failed to properly set it? They found themselves falling uncontrollably through the centuries. ... Gripping each other's hand tightly. But fate had different plans for them. In a blink – they were separated.
	Sir Dan is seen falling down from the sky towards the earth. There is a windmill and a cart full of pumpkins nearby. A castle can be seen in the distance.
Bandaged Man	[Voice-over] Fate had delivered him to this place... ...to this time.
Fate's Arrow
	Sir Dan lands in a cart full of pumpkins. He emerges from it, shouting.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	[Shouting] Waaghh!
	He realizes that his left arm is missing. He notices that a dog with a red collar has picked it up.
Bandaged Man	[Voice-over] ... Fate had popped off his arm for a reason.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	[Shouting] Oi! Gimme that!
Dog	Arf!
	Dan tries to take his arm back from the dog.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	That's... mine!
	The dog resists and growls. Grrrrrr!
???	[Shouting] Dog! Dog! Get back here!
	The dog immediately turns around and starts walking away with Dan's arm still in its mouth.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	[Shouting] Noo!
???	[Shouting] Dog!
	The person calling for the dog is revealed to be a pompously dressed man with black hair and buck teeth.
Pompous Man	What in the name of Saint Merkin have you got there you mangy cur? Give that to me! [Shouting] Now!
Sir Daniel Fortesque	[To himself] Just who is that pompous, obnoxious buffoon? ... And what is up with his teeth?
	The pompous man kicks his dog. The dog yowls.
Pompous Man	Lupo! Follow me you scabbrous mutt! We're done hunting for today!
	The man throws Dan's arm behind himself. It lands right on top of Dan's head. Bok!
Sir Daniel Fortesque	[Quietly] Ouch!
Pompous Man	Lupo! It's time I pay a visit to the sweet widow Lucinda! She can pay me this week's rent! Ha! It's good to be me!
Sir Daniel Fortesque	[While putting his arm back on] L-u-p-o ? Didn't I once have a dog called Lupo? ... And those teeth!
	Dan finally realizes that the pompous man is, in fact, himself.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	[Surprised] ... Oh no... Is that really who I was?
	Dan's pompous counterpart reaches the castle gate, where one of the two of the gate's guards addresses him.
Castle Guard	Welcome back Captain Fortesque! King Peregrine asks that you join him in the throne room right away!
Captain Fortesque	But I was about to... Ugh... oh very well. [Under his breath] What does the old wind-bag want now?
	Sir Dan watches Captain Fortesque from atop a rooftop. He tails the captain by jumping from roof to roof. He overhears a conversation between the two guards in front of the castle gate.
Castle Guard	You wouldn't believe what my Agnes found when she was cleanin' Fortesque's bed chamber the other week...
	Dan jumps up and attaches himself to the open window of a reception room where King Peregrin awaits the captain.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	Huff!
	Dan sees his former living self bowing in front of the king. Zarok, the king's court magician and advisor, stands by the king's side. They are surrounded by several imp servants who laugh at the captain.
Captain Fortesque	My most glorious liege! I am forever at your service!
King Peregrin	There you are Captain! No doubt you were out drilling with the royal guard? Tell me - how does their training progress?
Captain Fortesque	Oh, er - absolutely I was my king! Under my peerless tutelage I shall make them the finest fighting force in all the Nine Kingdoms. ... Or my name's not Daniel Wigginbottom Fortesque the Fourth!
King Peregrin	Oh that is reassuring... ... Because the scouts tell me that the army of the undead now numbers some 5000 rotting corpses. And they're heading our way!
Captain Fortesque	[Screaming] They are?!
King Peregrin	Yes. They'll be stinking up the castle within a day. Frankly Gallowmere's only hope of salvation lies with you and your gallant men. You must be ready to lead the charge!
Captain Fortesque	[Shouting] Whaat? [Scared] B-but you promised daddy there'd be no actual fighting?! Isn't repelling the undead horde the job of your... er... magician?
Zarok	Well normally yes, I would love to help, brave Sir Knight, but sadly these are - the wrong type of undead. They're... um, magic proof! And besides, I'm almost out of unicorn hooves.
	Captain Fortesque wets himself.
Captain Fortesque	Erm... I - er, think I need to go change my britches, I'm ah - very sweaty from all that drilling.
	Captain Fortesque leaves the room.
King Peregrin	[To Zarok] You know - I do sometimes wonder if we have the right man leading the army... are you sure he's really the kingdom's greatest warrior?
Zarok	Oh, absolutely! ... And the men love him, sire.
	Zarok uses his trident to bewitch the king. Fzzap!
Zarok	I'm counting on it.
King Peregrin	[Under spell] What would I do without your wise counsel my old friend? Brrr... Would you mind shutting that window?
Zarok	Anything for your well being, sire.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	Uh oh!
	Zarok slams the window shut. Dan loses his grip on the windowsill and plummets to the courtyard below, screaming. Waaaggghhhhh!
Scared Girl	[Screaming] Eeeeek! Undead!
Civilians	[Shouting] Guards! Guards!
Castle Guards	[Shouting] Slay the thing!
Sir Daniel Fortesque	[Getting up from the fall] Huh?!
	As soon as he realizes what is happening, Dan gets up and runs for his life... er, death.
Castle Guards	[Shouting] Undead! Stop that skeleton!
???	Quick, over here, sir!
Sir Daniel Fortesque	Canny Tim?!
	Dan dodges into an archway leading down some stairs, where he meets his once second-in-command, Canny Tim.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	You recognise me?
Canny Tim	Absolutely, sir! I am very canny! It's in my name, sir!
Sir Daniel Fortesque	True. And you can understand me?
Canny Tim	Indeed, sir. My poor old mam also lost her jaw when I was but a babe. ... And the fairies - they told me to expect you, sir. That you'd need my help.
	Tim knocks on a door at the end of the stairs. Knock knock!
Canny Tim	This is Griff...
	They proceed inside where Dan meets Griff, one of Gallowmere's fairies.
Griff	'Ello Timmykins! Oh if it ain't Mister Forteskew! Good to see ya mate! We was expecting yer!
Sir Daniel Fortesque	How?!
Griff	Well, to tell the trooof, us faaaairies exist aaatside o' time. It's our job to make sure stuff 'appens like it's s'posed ter. We're like gaaaardians of fate or summink.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	What do I have to do now?!
Canny Tim	It's Captain Fortesque, sir! He's all that stands between us and a staggering army of the undead, more rotten and horrible than anything the world has ever seen, sir.
Griff	Yeah ... And just between the 'free of us... We all 'fink that dood's a bit of a doooooosh!
	A short way from the castle...
Mother	Hurry children! Into the house!
Child	[Screaming] It's in the trees, mama!
	A giant monster crashes through the forest trees.
Mother	[Screaming] Jabberwocky!
	The Jabberwocky screeches. Skreee! The scene then shifts back to Dan, Tim and Griff. They are in front of a drawing discussing a plan.
Griff	So listen up guys. The Battle of Gallowmere may not be 'til tomorre, but in one hour the castle is gonna be attacked. [Exclaiming] By a Jabberwockee! Everyone's gonna be expectin' Captain F to step up - 'ee's the King's Champion after all. If we do nuffink, you just know that ninny's gonna poop the bunk, right?
Canny Tim	Do you think you can somehow take his place, sir?
Sir Daniel Fortesque	Maybe...
Griff	I like yer 'finkin, Timmy! Danny boy's gonna need to wear the fancy pants armour that 'ee normally wears. And course we'll need to keep him aaata the way... Sir Dan will also need a pretty bangin' weapon.
Canny Tim	Me mam used to tell me the story about how the Jabberwocky was first made - it's pretty much invulnerable to regular weapons. But I think I know where to find just the tool for the job!
Griff	Awright then! You look after that and me and Dan can go visit the good captain!
Sir Daniel Fortesque	Let's do this!
	The scene transitions to the outside of Gallowmere's castle.
Canny Tim	[Off-screen] Quick - it's an emergency!
	Canny Tim is at Weapon Requisitions talking to the requisitioner.
Canny Tim	I need to requisition a sword - the castle is under attack!
Weapon Requisitioner	If only I had a penny for every time I've heard that one. Please take a ticket and wait for me to call your number, sir.
Canny Tim	But there REALLY is a monster about to atta -
Weapon Requisitioner	[Interrupting] Ahem! Take a seat and await your turn, sir.
Canny Tim	Sigh...
The Jabberwocky
Weapon Requisitioner	Next!
	On his way to sit down in the waiting area, Tim notices a very big sword inside a glass case.
Canny Tim	Wow - that's quite a weapon! [Reading a plaque] "The Magic Sword of Dirk Steadfast. Forged by his own skilled hand, legendary hero Dirk Steadfast used this very sword to lop off the Jabberwocky's head and chase it from the kingdom." Huh - I guess it grew back!
	The scene shifts to Sir Dan, disguised as an old man with a long beard in a long flowing brown robe. Griff is hiding inside the beard.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	Where next?
Griff	[Peaking out of the beard] Take the next left - his room is at the end. Knock on the door and leave the rest to me.
	The scene shifts back to Weapon Requisitions where Canny Tim is still waiting.
Weapon Requisitioner	Number 23 please!
	Canny Tim checks his ticket. He is number 31. The scene shifts back to Sir Dan and Griff as they are about to knock on the captain's door. Knock knock!
Captain Fortesque	[From behind the door] Ah, Lucinda - you're early, come on in!
	The Captain is spread out on a loveseat, shirtless.
Captain Fortesque	... I'm ready for you!
	The scene shifts again to the Weapon Requisitions.
Weapon Requisitioner	Number 26 please!
Canny Tim	Groan...
	The scene shifts to Dan and Griff once more. They have just opened the door to the captain's bedchambers.
Griff	Erk! Cover your eye, Dan!
Captain Fortesque	[Screaming] WHAT?! Who the BLAZES are you?!
	Griff flies out from under Sir Dan's fake beard and shoots some magic into the captain's face. Fzzaaappp!
Captain Fortesque	[Screaming] Aaaargh! Ow ow ow! My eyes! What did you do that for your malicious little sprite?
Griff	Quick Dan, sock 'im!
	Dan knocks the captain out with a nearby trophy.
Griff	Oh... how embarassin' - that did not go to plan! Normally when I fajazzle someone they become mesmerized and follow me every command.
	Dan and Griff turn their attention to a very flamboyant suit of armor.
Griff	... There's the armor we're after. Custom made for Lord Fopdoodle 'ere.
Sir Daniel Fortesque	Ugh! I have to wear that!
Griff	'Fraid so.